Alone at Last
“Listen,” Max whispered. Crickets chirped, frogs croaked, and the occasional chorus of coyotes echoed across the countryside.
“Nothing for miles around,” he said as he spread his arms.
The glowing gaze of the full moon was the only thing that could see them. They were alone together.
Max stared at the stars for a moment, but a muffled whimper roused him from his reverie. He looked down and sighed, “Ah, yes. Back to business.”
The gunshot quickly silenced the muffled cries. After the echo dissipated, Max stood there listening once again to the country choir.
Then, he began to dig.
Unraveling the story
This piece of flash fiction is a particular variety. A “Drabble” is a work of fiction exactly 100 words long.
If you’ve read many of my other fiction pieces, you know I like to include twists in my stories. This means that in only 100 words, I must quickly describe the setting and create a mood. Just over halfway through, I create tension, and then a quick climax right before the end.
It can be an emotional roller coaster and, like most rides, it doesn’t last long.
Also, in case you didn’t notice, I used consonance in the first line to give it some texture. Try saying it aloud: “Crickets chirped, frogs croaked, and the occasional chorus of coyotes echoed across the countryside.” The repeated hard “C” makes it a bit poetic.
The serene scene and poetic device are stark contrasts to the violent and abrupt ending.
Very good story, Brandon. Leaves you wondering. 💕
Really good story. I did not realize reading it that it was 100 words long exactly or that the hard c was used to provided to create a poetic atmosphere, so I'm very glad you included that information. I did think the beginning was poetic, so you did accomplish your goal there. And yes, the ending was pretty jarring. When you included the line about the whimper I thought that he was talking to a dog, then a human seemed more likely. Dog or human?? Does it really matter?? It's still pretty dark either way. Great job!